Discrimination and Hardships Plauge Nepali Widows

By Sunny Shrestha

Yesterday, Sushila Basnet, 31, was busy cleaning her rented room on fourth floor of a building in the Ason bazaar, one of the most densely populated areas of Kathmandu. The walls in her room are dirty and the paint is peeling off the walls.

Basnet is a beautiful, young Nepali woman, with a dark complexion and long black hair. She moved to Kathmandu from Dolakha, a village about 150 kilometers away, after her husband died in 2005. Like many widows in Nepal, Basnet, whose name has been changed for her protection, faced discrimination and cultural hardship after the death of her husband.

Basnet's story is unfortunately typical. She was forced into an arranged marriage at the age of 26. Her parents feared that because she hadn't found a husband by that age she would remain single throughout her life. So she was married to a 46-year-old man in 2002. The marriage was not ideal. Her husband had heart disease and four children from a previous marriage. (Second marriages are not common in Nepal.) He agreed to marry Basnet because the children's mother died in 2001.

"My husband's oldest daughter was almost my age," Basnet said. The other three children were of 12, 15 and 18.

Widow Ratna Devi, with her daughter.

Basnet says she was not aware of her husband's medical problems before they wed. He passed away just two years after they were married. After his death, Basnet says that both families blamed her for his death and began to treat her poorly. "I was called inauspicious, and people blamed me for my husband's death," she said. Her stepchildren and other family members teased and tormented her.

In Nepal, widows are often discriminated against, blamed for their husband's deaths, and shunned from community activities. Basnet says her treatment soon escalated from just teasing. She was not allowed to participate in community gatherings or festivities. During Teej, a Hindu festival where women fast and pray Lord Shiva for the long life of their husbands, her family forced her to confine herself to her own room. They didn't want her to touch anything for puja, a process of offering to God. "When they told me not to touch anyone and anything in the house, I felt like as if I was suffering from some transferable disease," Basnet said.

After 15 months she says she could not stand the discrimination anymore, so she went to her childhood home in Dolakha, a central district. She went there searching the shelter and reprieve from the cultural torment of widowhood. But there too, she found no relief.

My sister-in-laws always taunted me. They told me I was a burden to the family," Basnet said. Soon after she arrived, her family tried to force her to return to her husband's village. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Basnet recalled, "My mother herself told me that the reason for my widowhood was the sins of my past life."

So she decided to come to Kathmandu to live alone and escape the ill treatment of her relatives and community. She told her mother and sisters that she was going back to her husband's home, but instead she fled to Kathmandu. After selling all of her jewelry and valuable possessions, she was able to find shelter in the capital city.

Today, she is training to be a beautician. Socializing is difficult for Basnet. She says she cannot talk with people openly because she finds it difficult to answer questions about her past. "Life here is quite difficult. I am facing a financial crunch and even my neighbors looks at me with suspicion," she says.

Local attorney Laxmi Pokharel says that although the Supreme Court directed lawmakers to enact a law prohibiting the discrimination of widows in 2002, the law has not yet been written. The interim constitution of Nepal 2063(2006) states that all kinds of discrimination against women are illegal, Pokharel says, "But despite the legal measures this trend continues as it is rooted in our religion and culture."

In the Hindu tradition widows are told to only wear white clothes, eat only once a day, and are forbidden to wear cultural tokens like sindoor, a red powder that is put on the forehead of married Hindu women, and pote, a beaded neck piece worn only by married women. "According to our religious book, after marriage, the couple should offer their prayers together, so it is considered inauspicious for a widow to sit in puja, (a process of offering a prayer). Similarly the presence of a widow is considered inauspicious when starting a journey. Since the religion has all these provisions, this has left a negative impact on society about widows," said local priest Ram Prasad Khanal.

Widows in Nepal often wear all white clothing.

The Hindu religion also considers re-marriage of a widow to be a sin. In the ancient Sanskrit text the Manusmriti, a work considered important to Hindu law, it is said that widows should only eat fruits and make themselves lean and thin and should not even utter the name of other men. Similarly another religious book, Aagiras Smriti, also says that if a woman wears colorful dresses after the death of her husband, the couple is doomed to hell.

Women's Rights activist Pushpa Lata Acharya says that these practices are gradually diminishing in urban areas but are still widely adhered to in rural areas. She says, "Although the religious books are not recognized by law, [their laws] are still practiced because of the roots in our culture and tradition."

In addition to religious persecutions, widows often suffer legal and social discrimination too. Ratna Devi, 35, was married at the age of 12 to a mentally disabled person in 1984. She conceived her first child at the age of 14. She became a widow at the age of 22. She says her husband committed suicide after the couple had a fight.

Devi now lives in Tokha, a village 10 kilometers away from Kathmandu. "After being a widow one feels lonely and the behavior of the society is like sprinkling salt into the wound," Devi says. After her husband died, Devi says her brother-in-law took her fingerprints and transferred all of her properties under his own name. She filed a case with Land Registration Office, which deals with land disputes, and her property was finally returned to her in 1999.

Since she was widowed in her youth, Devi says her community often gossips about her. She says she will never remarried again because she and society think it is wrong to do so. "Now I need to think about my children's marriages" Devi said. "I will not get married ever again."

According to Khum Kanta Acharya, a section officer at the Department of Women, Children and Social Welfare, there is no legal obligation for widows to remain single. He says, "There is a legal provision that there shall be no discrimination against women. Those who discriminate can be strictly punished under the defamation act." The defamation act states that anyone found guilty of discrimination will be penalized with a fine between 100 to 500 rupees, about $1.40 to $7 USD, and can face up to six months in jail.

But the reality of the act's enforcement is minimal. Attorney Laxmi Pokharel says, "Women generally do not press charges when they are ill-treated or abused because of lack of awareness and financial resources."

According to Lily Thapa, president of Women for Human Rights (WHR), a local NGO working for rights of single women, who became a widow herself at the age of 32, says there have been few legal attempts by the government to strengthen the rights of single women in Nepal. Thapa says widows were not entitled to their late husbands’ property after remarriage until the law was changed in 2001. "Legal measures won't change the status of widowed women until we change the mindset of people," Thapa says. "This will change slowly with time."

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